Loss... by David Twofox

(Although nothing can compare to the loss of a spouse other than possibly the loss of a child, any loss can be devastating. As always, we greatly appreciate David's contributions of his very talented writing to our blog!

Thanks David, Tony Mayer - WWD Founder)

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Was my mother wrong? Your thoughts would be appreciated (comments section below).

I always obeyed my mother's wishes. Of the 4 children, I really believe I was the closest to mom, and that includes my sister, who was the oldest. We were so close that mom would talk to me and tell me things a mother would normally tell a daughter. I believe a part of the reason was she knew my sensitivity, and another was she knew I was smart enough to not blab things that needed to go no further. That, I think, is one reason I was precocious in several areas.

My uncle, her brother, married a woman in Texas and moved her and her daughter, Sandra, to Lake Charles. They lived across town from us, and one day we went there to visit. It was that day I would meet 'Sandy' for the first time.

Sandy was my new cousin, and she and I bonded immediately...maybe even sooner than that. I adored her. Sandy was a little shorter than I, cute as a bug, had ample dark hair and dark eyes that sparkled. Her smile was magic! We were best friends right away.

Sandy was sharp as a tack! And she liked to go fishing. And swimming. It seemed like we liked all the same things. One day, the house across the street became available, and my uncle moved his family there. Sandy and I became inseparable, each other's shadows, almost.

It was a wonderful time of my life. I adored my cousin. We did everything together. To use Sandra's terminology, we were 'best buds.' And we were. That summer was a the most amazing summer I ever remembered, but I don't recall my age. I don't think I was a teen yet.

Mother Nature was adamant that people recognize Sandra as a female. She blossomed, leaving ABSOLUTELY no doubt she was a girl. To me, it was a 'so what' kind of thing. Sandra was my cousin, family, and we see family differently than we see other girls. Of course I was aware that she was a girl, but she wasn't just any girl, she was family.

One day my mother told me she wanted to talk to me, so we sat down and talked. She told me neighbors were talking. I asked what they were talking about. Mom said it was about Sandra and me. I didn't understand. Not at first anyway. But finally it dawned on me that they were thinking boy+girl = trouble. I explained that we were best friends.

I explained to mom that Sandra was my cousin, and I loved her dearly, but she was just my cousin and best friend, nothing else. But mom said if we kept going places and doing things together, people would say bad things about Sandra, and that I should not do things with her anymore.

My feelings were hurt that my mother would not believe me and take my part and tell the neighbors to 'stick it.' It broke my heart to do it, but I did what my mother asked me to do.

Not long after, my uncle got work in Houston, Texas, and moved there. I never saw or spoke to Sandy again. I never knew where she lived. I never knew when she married. I don't know how many children she had, their names, or where they live. My heart had been ripped out, just as if she had died. I had lost my dearest and most loved friend. I still grieve that loss. A lifetime of loving friendship was taken away from both me and Sandy.

I was unhappy with following my mother's wishes, but I was not angry with her. Disappointed might be a better word than angry. I feel an empty spot in my heart for my sweet cousin, just as I do for my wife. I never knew when Sandy died, or even when I learned about it.

I think my mother was wrong in what she did. Another experience similar to that came up and she again took what I think was the wrong side. Have any of you had similar experiences?